Major League Baseball: Less Morgan and more Morganna!


You don’t have to go all the way back to the summer of love to find peace and harmony in the major leagues. It’s a much closer step back to yesteryear. Baseball has a problem on its hands in the name of Nyjer Morgan. I’m sure you’ve seen all of his recent antics on ESPN. Now I am old school baseball. Hit our guy, and we will plunk yours! Steal a couple of bases and show us up, and we’ll hit you again. But I’m also old school in, hit me once, I’m cool. Hit me a second time, I’m coming after your ass. I had no problem with Nyjer Morgan going after Chris Volstad. I mean, enough is enough right? I also would have loved to see Morgan two more bases. The first go around was hilarious. Florida players’ blood must have seethed.

Where I have a problem is Morgan’s thuglike attitude after his ejection. Shirt ripped open, Morgan sauntered off the field arms raised like he was saluting Iron Maiden, clearly yelling “fuck yeah.” That’s where things got really ugly. Charging a mound is well deserved in baseball. I know MLB Punishment guru Bob Watson is typically heavy-handed about some actions, but face it, fighting, or the fighting spirit, needs to remain in the game. I grew up watching a lot of hot summertime brawls in the 70s and 80s. They were baseball players, but they were men. I would imagine those guys would go out after the game and have several rounds, drinking off the aggression. You know, sort of how Hulk Hogan and AndrĂ© the Giant would have these grueling matches of hate in the wrestling ring, and then they’d be pouring down alcohol, telling Iron Shiek stories. Hell in the early part of the 1900’s Ty Cobb was pounding people in the stands. Forget spikes high hard slides. He wailed on fans! So this isn’t like the biggest act of villainy in baseball’s history.

Morgan stepped over the line with his bravado and gangsteresque exit off the diamond. He could have been the man, holding his head high, and keeping his mouth shut. I know if I were facing disciplinary action before that episode, I’d be careful how I acted. I’m sure baseball would have given him a light suspension before his ugly post fight actions. But he’s bumped up to a higher penalty. I say, bench him for the season, starting today. No more appeals. He’s got sentence on top of sentence to worry about. Take away his pay, and sit him out for the rest of the season. There must be consequences. Major League Baseball is about image. Fights happen. But the disturbing visual is Morgan triumphantly walking off the field as if he just hit a walk off bomb. It’s time to stop the madness, the rage, the anger, and bring on the love.

This brings me to baseball’s kindler and gentler era. The 80s. More importantly the undeniable symbol of love on the field. She’d make daring entrances and capture the crowds eyes. Morganna, the kissing bandit. A game could be 5-5 in the 8th or 16-2 in the 3rd. You just never knew when or where she’d strike. She knew her way to the Hall of Famers too. Ryan, Rose, Ripken, Garvey, and Brett were all targets of baseball’s unofficial mascot. She was hard to miss. She had big huge blond locks and bigger mammaries. Heads turned in the stands, as they watched her bounce, literally, across the field to her target. She’d plant one on the cheek of her “victim” and the cops would whisk her away. The crowd laughed and cheered, and it brought some levity to game.
I say it’s time to bring out a new Morganna. Everything is so tense. Yes it is big business and billions of dollars are at stake when you consider attendance, concessions, team products, television revenues. But let’s have some fun. I’m not saying we need to sex up baseball. Morganna, while busty, was never improper or lewd. In fact she seemed more like that cute woman, who just wanted to give a peck on the cheek to her favorite player. She never imitated fornication, or made any obscene gestures. She wore short shorts, a tight top, and a sincere smile. Maybe we need a little more of Morganna, and a little less Morgan. Baseball seems to need this solution, even if it’s topsy-turvy sotospeak.

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~ by sotospeaks on September 2, 2010.

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